1) We haven’t made it to the glasses shop to buy Skyler glasses yet. It’s been a crazy busy week for both Ronnie and I, and after two doctor appointments for Skyler last week, we just haven’t had time to take off. I hope Target Optical is open on Saturday, because that is when I want to shop!
2) I mentioned two doc appointments last week. One was eye doctor and one was Skyler’s annual cardiology checkup. It’s always nerve wracking, like what if she has some symptom that we thought was normal childhood randomness, that means she is having problems again? But all was well and I got teary eyed when her cardiologist came in to review her sonogram with us she was smiling ear to ear and just amazed at how Skyler has grown and how amazing she is doing. I contrast that response with the grave diagnosis she had given Skyler just over three years ago in the middle of the night at KU Med. It still echos in my mind. Seeing that same doctor with a smile across her face as she enters the room just assures me our girl is in good shape!
3) Our big “secret project” (which isn’t so secret but I just can’t write it here yet, probably being overly cautious but that’s how I am) is bursting at the seams right now. It’s so close to being ready, it’s so exciting, it’s so scary. All that. But really really really really real.
4) I have not been a great parent lately. I’ve been incredibly irritable and distracted and, probably, selfish, and being a great mom has not been my top priority. Not that Skyler is neglected, but I just probably haven’t spent nearly the quality time and had the positive daily interactions I should with her. And when I do, I’m not at my best – it’s like my second-hand self. I do go through these phases sometimes where I feel especially conscious of the fact that I’m not a natural at motherhood. I knew I wouldn’t ever be that goo-goo gaga, can’t leave my kid for more than a few hours without weeping kind of mom, but sometimes I still feel like I’m missing some sort of god-given motherhood talent to make me love this stuff. I love a lot of moments, but I don’t love a lot of moments. And those rough moments I just bash myself for sucking at motherhood. But then I remind myself that Skyler is happy and healthy, she’s pretty dang smart and funny, so maybe I’m doing something right enough of the time…