30″ x 30″ colorful abstract painting on canvas
What brings you to tears? What are you most afraid of? What haunts you?
These are questions we’ve been digging at in my therapy sessions. They are uncomfortable but important. And I’m thankful I have the means to work through discomfort with a professional. I do not take that lightly.
One of the things I’ve learned from digging into these questions is they stem from a place of gratitude and joy, contrasted with fears that it could all be abruptly taken away. Being a mother has weighed heavily on me more than I ever expected, and the depth of my love and fears just seems to expand as the children get older. I think since both our daughters had such an unexpectedly rough start in life, I carry a lot of “survivor’s guilt” that we cheated the system and our tragedy yet awaits us. It’s helpful to talk through the “why’s” but the hard work is learning to reset my dang nervous system.
This painting began with some restless anxiety, but then gave way to a strange sobbing joy as I spent time with my fears. I cried as I added the magenta, which t me is one of the most life-giving paint colors. My favorite paint colors are turquoise/aqua for their calming quality, and magenta for all the positive energy it brings. Painting truly is therapeutic for me, and I hope by sharing these stories it somehow extends beyond myself with a therapeutic ripple effect.