What’s Left

So I got the new laptop but am still having trouble blogging more often. I think it’s a symptom of sensory overload. By the point of the day when there might be time to post a blog, my mind has shut down and I’m only running on fumes, trying to potty train a defiant toddler who thinks diapers are the best thing since sliced bread and maintain an intelligent conversation with my husband about his day or my day without getting into a fight about something. Skyler gets funnier and smarter every day but gets equally as defiant and bratty every day. Currently I am not following the way her mind works. The things that make her happy today are the things that cause a dramatic breakdown the next. She’s independent yet clingy, she’s bossy or surprisingly cooperative, she eats everything and more or not one bite. And did I mention she LOVES diapers? We’ve tried bribing her by letting her pick out panties with her favorite characters or colors on them, getting her new toys and letting her play with them after successful potty attempts, and even taking away her beloved Pink Bear and requiring her to earn him back. But she insists on diapers and will actually hold her pee or poop until we let her get off the potty and let it go once a diaper is on. We’ve had a few successes and she gets excited and I keep thinking that maybe she gets it but it’s the same battle every time. It’s truly a frustrating phase of parenthood that even more solidifies in my mind how much I want to get past this part and never do it again, not with any additional spawn, no matter how cute he or she could be.

And on top of the parenting fun, my work is in a unique situation right now that’s way too long of a story but currently has a lot of moving parts that are sort of newly mine to handle, on top of the normally busy and very fulltime responsibilities that I’ve always had. It’s kind of a temporary situation but not really, depending on how I look at it, and my mind and energy are being stretched like never before. I’m not sure how close the limit is before I break – maybe I already did fall over the edge the day that I cried at work TWICE and haven’t had a day without tears since. Or maybe I can handle way more than I think I can and I’m just trying to figure out how.

Needless to say, I don’t have much to write by the end of the day these days. Hopefully sometime soon I’ll have some sort of sanity back in at least some part of my life. Just not having to buy diapers or change crappy ones would be a big step in the right direction.

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