Now that Trump has taken office and got busy right away doing things, I find myself incredibly emotional. And probably not in the way that a lot of people are. I’m emotional about all the emotion that I’m hearing about at work and seeing on Facebook. There is SO much anger and angst. Empathy is a strength of mine but right now it feels like a weakness as I soak up all the feels of those around me. It’s overwhelming and I’m seriously considering taking a break from Facebook for awhile because I need to filter the outside emotions out so I can actually feel myself for a bit.
But then I feel guilty if I turn off Facebook, turn off the news, put on my headphones and ignore people talking about things. Does that make me an ostrich with my head in the sand? Does that make me part of the problem as a someone with white privilege that can just turn it off and ignore what’s going on in the world and be fine? When I shut all that out, I see and hear my daughters and husband right in front of me, and the only thing that really matters is them. I focus on us, and doing whatever it is that helps us become better people while enjoying life as much as possible. Half the problems in this country I think are the end result of the fall of family values, so my current job of trying to turn out offspring that are decent and smart people isn’t a walk in the park and has some nobility to it. On top of it I spend time bettering myself – right now it’s studying and learning about child development in the class I’m taking, so someday I can be more impactful in my career and make a positive difference in this world. Is that so wrong?
I’ve made a goal this year to be more present – does that mean present in the lives of my nearest and dearest and my own self, or present in the community and the world and the apparent strife that’s unraveling? Sometimes I wonder if any of that “out there” is even real – I don’t actually see it or experience it in everyday life. The “issues” aren’t big issues to me. Again, there goes my white privilege in assuming everything is fine because it’s fine with me and my circle. Maybe I’m living in the Truman Show or the Matrix or part of a simulation experiment ran by higher beings.
But then when I decide to get out of my bubble and try to pay attention to what’s going on out there I get overwhelmed with the search for truth. I don’t know what or who to believe anymore when I look through the news on various issues. That empathy thing comes into play again as I find myself identifying with both sides of most every issue that everyone is so upset about and I again feel guilty that I can’t truly side with anyone. Like no matter which way I think, it must be wrong if so many people can feel so strongly the other way. I struggle to piece together the facts when everyone reporting has an agenda. I find myself with paralysis by analysis and then panic that I can’t figure out the answer in order to even form an educated opinion on the situations at hand. It seems so clear to everyone out there but I just can’t accept everything as it is. It’s one part conspiracy theory that there is way more to this than anyone on either side realizes, and the other part that I default to believing that everyone really has goodness in their heart and means well. My faith leads me to think “WWJD” and I think the answers get simple but no one out there is trying to do anything simple!
It’s exhausting and confusing. Nothing is black or white. I can’t stand labels and restrictive thought. I just want peace and joy for myself, my loved ones, and everyone in the whole wide world. I wish everyone would take a chill pill, love themselves and each other and those they don’t agree with, and rather than resting on their laurels and assuming things are fine or running around hands in the air spreading fear, recognize that things aren’t perfect and never will be, and then decide what part they can play to make this world a better place. I mentioned previously that I want to be more active in a charitable way from now on, especially with my time and talents. And I’m going back to school to study psychology and counselling in hopes that I can apply that knowledge and skills to have a more positive influence on those around me and hopefully work that into a more fulfilling career. I know I have so much good to give this world so I’ve gotta get busy giving it in whatever way I can NOW.
So if I seem distracted, MIA from social media, playing the devil’s advocate, crying in a corner, obsessed with my family, or just plain enjoying life, it’s just me trying to figure out this maze. I’m just doing my best and can forget the rest! Thanks Tony Horton. Lame Beachbody joke. If you know, you know. Nevermind.