Good Run of Bad Luck

Snow, snow, snow! Got up extra early to make sure the car was warmed up and cleared off, and that we would still have time to make the trek across town that morning even if the going would be slow. Also, Skyler was starting her new preschool that is right by my work, so I knew I’d need a little more time for the drop-off. I was prepared! My four-wheel drive did great in the fresh snow, and I was making decent time till I saw my exit, which is an uphill ramp to another interstate, but near the end of our route. There was a line of cars in that lane, and when I could finally see the exit itself, it was a disaster. Several cars sitting on the shoulder, others completely off the road on the hill. Rear-wheel drive trucks were slowly swerving up the hill sideways. Even though I knew I could probably make it, I didn’t want to get stuck behind someone who couldn’t. So next exit it is! No biggie, just an extra mile or two and I can double back.

And that was everyone else’ idea too. I waited in that dang stretch of mile for probably 45 minutes. A few trucks decided to take the shoulder to get up to the front of the same line I was in. Jerks! Meanwhile Skyler and I are talking up her new preschool like we had been for weeks, building excitement, but yet we can’t seem to get there. And of course Skyler informs me she needs to pee. When I got near the front, dozens of other cars were speeding by in the clear lanes up to the front of the line and then wanting people to let them in. Who do these people think they are? It’s people like them that cause the wait to be so long in the first place! I was fuming. Eventually we made our way off the interstate and headed toward her new preschool. Only to find it deserted and locked. The director had told me they rarely ever closed, even for snow, and sure enough they had on our first day.

Finally at work an hour and a half late, I realized I wouldn’t be able to work out on my lunch hour since I’d lost so much time. Not a good start to the week. The only saving grace for the day was we got let go an hour early so we could take our time in the snow and hopefully beat rush hour.

On our way to preschool (learned my lesson and checked school closings beforehand this time) and my windshield is getting nasty with the salty road grime. But sure enough, no washer fluid! Can’t see a thing so I exit and find the first gas station to wash my windshield. Or course the fluid in the bin was too low so it froze. I blindly make my way to the next gas station where we luck out and get the windshield clean. By the way it’s like negative 82 degrees or something Gary Lezak classifies as “arctic.”

I finally get Skyler dropped off at her new school. She’s unsure but needs to potty so I’m able to sneak away while she takes off with one of her new teachers. I did check in at lunch and they said she was doing fantastic and having a blast (like they would stress me out by telling me anything different?). At pickup time, she ran to hug me but was in great spirits. And then didn’t want to leave (success!). And then made me physically drag her out in front of everyone, with a fake smile plastered on my face like this is fun and I’m a fun parent that has complete control of my child, while she’s flailing and kicking me. First impressions are grand!

Uneventful. Second day of preschool was successful. Except for the minor scuffle when we were walking out behind two girls and their grandmother and Skyler threw a hissy fit about not getting “to GO FIRST!!!!!”

Smoothest morning all week. I get Skyler ready and we are in the car, ready to go, EARLY! We pull away from the house and I reach over for my protein shake, which should’ve been sitting in my cupholder in the center console. But instead, it’s missing, and at the same time I realize that, my reaching elbow knocks something off the center console and into the back seat OMG I SET MY PROTEIN SHAKE THERE TEMPORARILY WHILE STRAPPING SKYLER IN CAN I CATCH IT BEFORE IT SPLATTERS ALL OVER THE SEATS AND FLOOR OH NO IT MISSED THE LEATHER AND PLASTIC AND HIT ONLY THE CARPET. #&$%@!&$!!!!!! I turn around in my neighbor’s driveway to go back and get towel to soak it up. Really? It couldn’t have landed on the leather that is easy to clean and great for parents who have messy clumsy kids? Skyler so kindly says “Next time you can put your shake in my sippy cup so you don’t spill it again, Mommy.” Get the towel but in less than the minute it took me, all the protein shake has frozen in all it’s glory. Today is still a bazillion degrees too cold.

After work Skyler and I head to Walmart for a couple things. The parking lot is a slushy mesh. I have on knock-off Ugg cozy boots that are definitely not water proof, and the slush is deep enough to soak in. LOVE that feeling! Besides the awkward conversation with a Mary Kay consultant (I learned my lesson from an almost identical conversation years ago), we were in and out at Walmart easily. I strapped Skyler in her seat and headed through the slush, feeling the moist chill soak in between my toes, over to my car door, thinking “this feels like cold doodoo and I hope I don’t slip either.” Opened my car door, stepped my right foot on the running board (covered with slush), and then my left foot when OMG I HAVE NO FOOTING I’M FALLING BACKWARDS INTO THAT DISGUSTING COLD SLUSHY DIARRHEA MESS AND CONCRETE THAT WILL CRACK MY HEAD OPEN AND GET MY COAT AND BUTT SO DIRTY HOLD ON GLOVES GRIP THAT DOOR HANDLE AND DON’T HIT THE GROUND!!!!

I’m hanging with my left hand on the door, right leg half on the running board, everything else parallel about 3 inches from the sloppy pavement. Muscles aching from stopping the fall. I looked around expecting to hear people either gasping and running for help or laughing, but heard silence since I was at the far, uncrowded part of the lot where no one would’ve seen me. But Skyler laughed, and asked “Was that an accident Mommy? You need to be careful.”

Safely at home I pour a glass of wine to wind down while beginning some evening chores: feed the dog, feed the cat, change the cat litter. I’ve just put a new trash bag in the litter pan and head to open the new gigantic bag of cat litter we got from Costco. It’s not easy to open, but once I get it, I turn to lug it over to the litter box to find Mr. Oliver, staring at me intensely while he does his business on the bare plastic empty box.

Could it get any better than this?


  1. Oh Skyler and Oliver, so helpful.

  2. Also – they’re lucky they’re cute.

  3. Maria says:

    Oh Lori, your email made me smile and feel for you at the same time. Every morning for the last two weeks, have been a race to get to work on time. Good save on not falling in the diarrhea slush. (chuckling) You drew a great picture!

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